


Overthinking (Hide x Kaneki)

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Drama & Romance, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 22:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15180482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Was Hide's feelings towards Kaneki truly as unrequited as he thought?





	Overthinking (Hide x Kaneki)

Hideyoshi Nagachika loved women—he always had. He loved the curves of their lips, the gentle lilt to their voices, and the softness of their bodies. The spectrum of women Tokyo had to offer was peppered with variety, and it never failed to keep Hide happy, regardless of his lack of success in getting anybody to actually date him. 

Even more than the concept of women, though, Hide loved the action of flirting with them. Not a day went by that Hide was able to keep his suggestive comments and frivolous compliments to himself, even if they were typically tactless and blunt. He'd relish in the reactions that girls would throw his way, whether it be flustered fidgeting or indignant attempts at hitting him.

Lately, however, Hide had noticed an issue with his interest in women. Despite being so enamored by their often softer, more delicate auras, there weren't any particular individuals that held his attention. He'd realized that, ultimately, he loved the notion of dating a woman far more than he could ever love a woman as an actual partner. 

Men, on the other hand, were the opposite for him. He would never spend his time openly pursuing random men for the hell of it, but there were times when he'd become smitten for a specific one. Where women were there to fraternize with regularly, men were there for his very occasional silent enjoyment.

Silent being the keyword, as there was no way that Hide could ever act on any impulses regarding any of his male romantic interests. He was a university student, so admitting to having feelings for another man this late in life could complicate his current relationships.

Namely, his friendship with Kaneki.

Hide had resolved long ago to never allow himself to catch feelings for his long-term best friend. He didn't think sticking to that decision would be difficult. After all, Kaneki was just so different from Hide: Hide lost himself in music, Kaneki lost himself in books; Hide was always full of energy and extroversion, Kaneki was reserved and quiet; Hide was easy-going, Kaneki tended to take things a touch too seriously. 

As he sat listening to Kaneki ramble on about some girl he'd started pining over at a local cafe, though, Hide realized that his original resolution wouldn't be one so easily followed. Hide, despite constantly teasing Kaneki about his lack of a love life, was starting to feel a bit bitter as he heard Kaneki describe his wishes to take her out on a date to the bookstore. It was fairly clear to Hide that he was starting to feel jealous of this mystery woman. 

"Man," Hide laughed, his carefree front seamless as ever, "you're hopeless. You can't take a girl to the bookstore on your first date!"

The corners of Kaneki's lips turned down in a frown. "Well, she might think it's a good idea."

Hide took note of the familiarly defensive edge to Kaneki's voice. He knew Kaneki didn't truly take offense to his response, and he was sure that Kaneki interpreted his teasing as being without any particular reason. Really though, Hide just wanted to subtly discourage Kaneki from pursuing the girl. "She'll think your lame," Hide snorted. 

Flusteredly crossing his arms, Kaneki straightened up. "Then I'll take her out for burgers."

Hide only laughed harder at this, slightly perturbed as he realized that, if he were having this conversation with anybody else, he'd likely be more supportive. 

"I'm being serious!" Kaneki huffed.

"I know." Hide leaned his head into his hands, meeting Kaneki's eyes with a lopsided grin, a hint of a chuckle lacing his voice. "That's why it's so funny." He didn't take the sudden rush of serotonin into his blood stream as a good sign. Of all times to be feeling this way, why now?

Kaneki didn't avert his gaze, using the opportunity to throw a challenge Hide's way. "Since when are you an expert? Where would you take a girl on a date?"

Like Hide would know. "Well," he responded half-halfheartedly, "I would pay attention to her interests and choose a place based off of that."

"You have no idea, do you?"

Hide knew he should've taken offense to the implication that he's inexperienced with girls, or that he should've at least have shot back at Kaneki with a sarcastic comment, but he just shrugged. "I guess girls aren't my strong-suit." 

The cafe was abuzz with quiet chatter that blended in with the sounds of brewing coffee and the low-volume news station that was broadcasting on an overhead television. All of it was background noise to Hide, though, as he decided to press Kaneki for more details. "So, who is she? The cute girl you were telling me about?"

Blood rushed to Kaneki's face and he stared back at Kaneki with wide eyes, flustered at the casual mention of her. Hide noticed right away, and felt a slight pang of envy at the girl. To his own dismay, Hide realized he wanted to be the one to pull such reactions out of Kaneki. 

"Oh, that's her?" In an attempt to distract himself, Hide took a wild guess, gesturing towards a waitress addressing a table a few feet away. She seemed like Kaneki's type, with her well-mannered smile and naturally pretty features; less like Hide and more like Kaneki.

Kaneki shook his head, his eyes awkwardly trailing over to her. "No. She's pretty cute too, though."

Since when had Kaneki had enough interest in women to develop opinions on their appearances? The development bothered Hide a bit more than he would've liked to admit. 

Any other time, Hide would've called the girl over and made a terrible attempt at courting her. Something about his situation stopped him from doing so, though. "Is she, Kaneki?"

Kaneki furrowed his brow in confusion at Hide's question. Before he could reply, a soft chime of the cafe's shopkeeper bell sounded, and his eyes flitted up. "It's her."

Hide followed Kaneki's gaze to the door. She was cute—beyond that, really. Soft, lavender hair fell over her shoulders, where structured collarbones connected; her dress hugged her slight frame; and her dark, eerie eyes fit onto her well proportioned features like two ravens in a meadow. She was gorgeous by any man's standards, and Kaneki's infatuation was completely warranted. 

Relief flooded over Hide. He had nothing to worry about. As amazing as Kaneki was, a girl like that would never give a guy like him the time of day. "Don't even go there. It's like beauty and the whatever."

"The beast," Kaneki corrected.

Hide was majoring in English. Of course he knew the correct name of such a classic western fairy tale; he just didn't care enough to express this. He didn't bother to point this out to Kaneki. "Well, then," Hide yawned, stretching out to loosen the muscles that had grown stiff from sitting with Kaneki for such a long stretch of time, "now that I've seen you lovelorn, I think I'll take my leave."

He dropped some loose change on the table before standing up and heading towards the door, despite Kaneki's weak protests. Now that he knew the type of girl Kaneki had allegedly fallen for, Hide no longer felt the need to sit and guard his friend. He didn't need to worry about her stealing him away; she was out of his league. The thought was enough to boost his mood, enough so that he teasingly bid goodbye to the cute waitress on his way out.

"Keep your head in the clouds, Kaneki," Hide called with a wave as he stepped out of the door.

.  
Today was not Hide's day. He'd been too presumptuous. He never could've imagined that leaving Kaneki alone at the cafe would result in Kaneki getting a date. Now, though, as he gripped his phone, he realized that he'd been wrong to assume such a thing. 

"Her name is Rize Kamishiro. It turns out she's also a fan of Sen Takatsuki," Kaneki told him on the other line. "She agreed to go to the bookstore with me this coming Sunday."

Hide looked up to the night sky, leaning on his bike defeatedly. What had started as a quick ride to the convenience store now seemed like it would be much more depressing. He was agitated by how empty Kaneki's news had left him and how numb his limbs felt in response. He didn't want to feel this way because of Kaneki. It was one of the main things he was trying to avoid. "You're kidding."

As Kaneki swore up and down that he was telling the truth, Hide reached into his grocery bag and pulled out a snack. He tore off a bite, chewing quickly, almost anxiously. He needed something to distract him. "I guess you struck the jackpot this time," he muttered between bites.

Kaneki didn't pick up on Hide's pessimism, a trait that was generally rare for him to exhibit at all. "Yeah," Kaneki chirped, "who would've thought she'd like the same novelist as I do?"

Hide barely had the motivation to contribute to the conversation, but he did so anyway. "Uh, what's-his-face, right? Takasaki Sen?"

"I just told you," Kaneki chided over the phone, "the author's name is Takatsuki Sen."

Right. Honestly, Hide had bigger things to worry about than some author Kaneki liked. He was far more concerned about the girl Kaneki liked. Not that he could ever do anything about it. He tried to anyway, though, making a last ditch effort to talk Kaneki out of pursuing her. "Well, I'm still not convinced on the whole bookstore thing."

He knew the comment was out of place. After all, he'd been the one to claim that the best place to take a girl is somewhere that suits her interests. If they'd bonded over a similar taste in literature, a bookstore would be a great place to take her by his logic. Hide only hoped Kaneki wouldn't pick up on the fact and grow suspicious that something was wrong as a result.

There was silence on the other end, as if Kaneki was waiting for Hide to say something else so that he'd at least be offering some sort of encouragement, but he didn't pay much mind to Hide's statement. After a few moments, Kaneki spoke again. "It'll be fine."

"Yeah." Hide hung up and slipped his phone into his sweatshirt pocket, not particularly wanting to further discuss Kaneki's romantic exploits. He sat still for a minute, but finally gave in, pulling out his phone and typing out a text asking Kaneki to keep him updated over the course of his so-called date, to which Kaneki replied with an affirmation.

After so many years of teasing Kaneki for not getting any attention from women, Hide was taken aback by his emotional response to Kaneki's crush. He knew what it meant, and he had to be honest with himself about it. His best friend of several years was now somebody that Hide had romantic feelings for. 

The signs were all there: his awkward bodily response to walking in on Kaneki in the shower months ago, the light blush that would dust his cheeks when he found himself thinking too deeply about he and Kaneki's relationship, and the way his heart seemed to stutter when their eyes met. Of course, he hadn't wanted to face those feelings, or even acknowledge them, until he was faced with the possibility of losing Kaneki to somebody else. 

Hide was completely infatuated with Kaneki Ken, and this was a fact he would not be able to ignore for much longer. 

.  
True to his word, Kaneki sent a stream of texts to Hide the next day regarding the events that were occurring during his date. 

At five, Hide received a text marking the beginning of the date. This was probably the hardest one to bear. It was the clarifying statement that made it all real; Kaneki was on a date, and it was with somebody besides him. Worse, it was with somebody out of both of their leagues. 

Not even thirty minutes later, another update was sent to him, explaining that Kaneki had accidentally made Rize self-conscious about her diet. Despite his poor mood, Hide had to laugh. It didn't come as a surprise to him that Kaneki was stumbling over the proper etiquette for a date. He could envision Kaneki's flushed face and fidgeting hands as he tried to find the right words to say. It brought a blissful smile to Hide's face as he imagined it, despite his efforts to dispel the image from his mind. 

Every twenty minutes or so, his phone would chime again, and Hide would hurry to pick it up to read the latest development. There were some texts he was dreading he'd get, like one confirming that he and Rize had set up another date, for example. On the other hand, there were some he could only hope to receive, like one stating that they broke the date off early because things weren't working out. 

Most texts, though, were just little tidbits of Kaneki's interactions with Rize. He'd get an alert when Kaneki managed to make her laugh or blush, or when he found yet another interest they could use as common ground. They were simple, but each one chipped away at Hide's hope of keeping Kaneki for himself. 

By the time he received the message that Kaneki was going to walk Rize home due to the recent ghoul attacks in her neighborhood, Hide was listless. Hopelessness hung over him like a cloud of smoke, all of his senses dimmed by it. Since when had he cared so much for Kaneki? He wished he could pinpoint the exact moment when he started having feelings for his childhood friend, but the feat seemed near impossible. 

Hide knew what would happen when Kaneki walked Rize home. He knew that she would give him the opportunity to kiss her, and Kaneki would oblige. Even Kaneki's inexperience with women wouldn't let him pass up a chance like that. It bothered Hide to no end to imagine Kaneki kissing her—to imagine Kaneki kissing anybody besides him. 

Hide also knew that he shouldn't be moping around in his bed because of it. Even if he had been doing his best to put his feelings for Kaneki aside, it didn't change the fact that Hide was a man of action. 

Thus, Hide was going to do everything in his power to keep Rize from taking Kaneki from him, even if it meant confessing his feelings. 

As he made this decision, Hide tumbled out of bed, shoving his phone in his pocket and rushing out the door to his bike. He'd have to hurry if he wanted to catch Kaneki before he and Rize arrived at their destination. Everything else was just a second thought as he clambered onto his bike and rode off as quickly as he could, navigating based on the information that Rize lived nearby the recent ghoul attacks. 

The streetlights he passed were a blur as he pumped his legs as fast as they could go, zipping through street after street until he finally neared the sites of the previous few weeks' ghoul attacks. He slowed, studying his surroundings carefully as he listened for Kaneki's voice. 

"Then, you mean—"

And there it was! Just around the corner, Kaneki's familiarly soft-spoken voice rung out, drawing Hide to him. 

"Yes. I, too, happen to have have fallen head over heels . . . for you."

Hide stopped in his tracks, gripping the handlebars of his bike as though they were anchoring him. He was too late. He knew this the moment he heard Rize's calm, collected voice confessing her feelings to Kaneki. Any chance Hide had with Kaneki was now gone. 

He needed to leave. He had to get away from the scene. Listening in any longer would tear the little bit of dignity Hide had left to shreds. In moments, Hide was biking away, his jaw clenched as he fought back the feeling of loss that was building within him.

He'd only made it a few streets over when a resounding crash pulled him out of his thoughts. It had come in the direction of Kaneki. Hide tensed, his eyes wide. There'd been so many ghoul attacks lately that Kaneki being in danger was the first thing to come to his mind. What if a ghoul had interrupted Rize and Kaneki's exchange, and Kaneki had been hurt—or worse?

He didn't think about risks, or any other possibilities for that matter. Hide was already yanking his handlebars to the left, performing a rough U-turn as he rushed back to the scene. He wasn't an idiot; he knew that if there really was a ghoul, Hide would have no chance of defending Kankei or himself, much less the girl Kaneki was with. He had to do something, though.

His tires releasing a high-pitched squeal as they ground against asphalt, Hide's bike skidded to a stop at the corner he'd been eavesdropping by. Hide hopped off of it, adrenaline flooding his system. What was he thinking?

"I'm going to gently scramble up your intestines for you now, okay?"

Hide stilled at the sound of Rize's voice. Cautiously, he stepped forward, his eyes following the sound of it. Blood red kagune filled Hide's field of vision, writhing and flexing in ribbons around Rize, who stood above Kaneki's limp body. 

Hide's blood ran cold at the sight of Kaneki being sprawled out on the ground, cuts and bruises distributed along his skin, blood split over much of him. It was Hide's worst nightmare, laid out in a scene before him. 

"Oh, dead already? What a shame. I really did like you," Rize hummed threateningly, condescendingly almost. "You have just the right amount of fat on you. All nice and soft; a pleasure to eat!"

Hide, who had always been so insightful and analytical (despite what most people had come to think), didn't pause to consider his options. Fists clenched, he took a running start towards Rize, yelling obscenities as he rushed to protect Kaneki. 

Rize turned her head, glancing over her shoulder at him, unbothered by the intrusion. "It seems as though—"

She didn't finish her sentence. Just as Hide was a couple of feet away from Rize, a stack of steel beams down tumbled from above, crashing down on her seemingly frail body with a deafening boom. Blood splattered in a radius around where she had just been standing, painting the ground and Hide's shoes a startling shade of crimson. 

Hide was already sprinting past the steel beams to find Kaneki, not bothering to look towards where the beams had fallen, or to check if Rize was really dead. He didn't hesitate to pick up Kaneki's still body and pull out his phone, dialing 1-1-9 as quickly as his shaking hands could manage. Hide didn't know when he'd started crying, but as he tried to pull a reaction out of Kaneki, he noticed the dampness of tears staining his face. 

Everything past that moment was a blur. He was on autopilot, barely conscious of his actions as Kaneki was strapped to the ambulance cot and whisked away, never leaving Hide's sight as they rode to the hospital. 

A coppery scent mixed with the sterile smell of the hospital when they arrived, and Hide was sat in the room that would be designated for Kaneki. He did not leave the room throughout the entire surgery, nor did he leave when a drugged-up, unconscious Kaneki was laid in the stiff sheets of the hospital bed.

Over and over, Hide reviewed what could have happened if he'd made different decisions. If he had interrupted Rize as she lied about her feelings, would she had moved onto attack Kaneki? If Hide had directly advised Kaneki to call the date off, would he have? If Hide had confessed his feelings to Kaneki the moment he recognized them, would any of this have even happened in the first place?

It wasn't until a nurse had informed him that visiting hours were over and escorted him out herself that Hide went home. He had a lot to deliberate. 

.

True to his word, Kaneki sent a stream of texts to Hide the next day regarding the events that were occurring during his date. 

At five, Hide received a text marking the beginning of the date. This was probably the hardest one to bear. It was the clarifying statement that made it all real; Kaneki was on a date, and it was with somebody besides him. Worse, it was with somebody out of both of their leagues. 

Not even thirty minutes later, another update was sent to him, explaining that Kaneki had accidentally made Rize self-conscious about her diet. Despite his poor mood, Hide had to laugh. It didn't come as a surprise to him that Kaneki was stumbling over the proper etiquette for a date. He could envision Kaneki's flushed face and fidgeting hands as he tried to find the right words to say. It brought a blissful smile to Hide's face as he imagined it, despite his efforts to dispel the image from his mind. 

Every twenty minutes or so, his phone would chime again, and Hide would hurry to pick it up to read the latest development. There were some texts he was dreading he'd get, like one confirming that he and Rize had set up another date, for example. On the other hand, there were some he could only hope to receive, like one stating that they broke the date off early because things weren't working out. 

Most texts, though, were just little tidbits of Kaneki's interactions with Rize. He'd get an alert when Kaneki managed to make her laugh or blush, or when he found yet another interest they could use as common ground. They were simple, but each one chipped away at Hide's hope of keeping Kaneki for himself. 

By the time he received the message that Kaneki was going to walk Rize home due to the recent ghoul attacks in her neighborhood, Hide was listless. Hopelessness hung over him like a cloud of smoke, all of his senses dimmed by it. Since when had he cared so much for Kaneki? He wished he could pinpoint the exact moment when he started having feelings for his childhood friend, but the feat seemed near impossible. 

Hide knew what would happen when Kaneki walked Rize home. He knew that she would give him the opportunity to kiss her, and Kaneki would oblige. Even Kaneki's inexperience with women wouldn't let him pass up a chance like that. It bothered Hide to no end to imagine Kaneki kissing her—to imagine Kaneki kissing anybody besides him. 

Hide also knew that he shouldn't be moping around in his bed because of it. Even if he had been doing his best to put his feelings for Kaneki aside, it didn't change the fact that Hide was a man of action. 

Thus, Hide was going to do everything in his power to keep Rize from taking Kaneki from him, even if it meant confessing his feelings. 

As he made this decision, Hide tumbled out of bed, shoving his phone in his pocket and rushing out the door to his bike. He'd have to hurry if he wanted to catch Kaneki before he and Rize arrived at their destination. Everything else was just a second thought as he clambered onto his bike and rode off as quickly as he could, navigating based on the information that Rize lived nearby the recent ghoul attacks. 

The streetlights he passed were a blur as he pumped his legs as fast as they could go, zipping through street after street until he finally neared the sites of the previous few weeks' ghoul attacks. He slowed, studying his surroundings carefully as he listened for Kaneki's voice. 

"Then, you mean—"

And there it was! Just around the corner, Kaneki's familiarly soft-spoken voice rung out, drawing Hide to him. 

"Yes. I, too, happen to have have fallen head over heels . . . for you."

Hide stopped in his tracks, gripping the handlebars of his bike as though they were anchoring him. He was too late. He knew this the moment he heard Rize's calm, collected voice confessing her feelings to Kaneki. Any chance Hide had with Kaneki was now gone. 

He needed to leave. He had to get away from the scene. Listening in any longer would tear the little bit of dignity Hide had left to shreds. In moments, Hide was biking away, his jaw clenched as he fought back the feeling of loss that was building within him.

He'd only made it a few streets over when a resounding crash pulled him out of his thoughts. It had come in the direction of Kaneki. Hide tensed, his eyes wide. There'd been so many ghoul attacks lately that Kaneki being in danger was the first thing to come to his mind. What if a ghoul had interrupted Rize and Kaneki's exchange, and Kaneki had been hurt—or worse?

He didn't think about risks, or any other possibilities for that matter. Hide was already yanking his handlebars to the left, performing a rough U-turn as he rushed back to the scene. He wasn't an idiot; he knew that if there really was a ghoul, Hide would have no chance of defending Kankei or himself, much less the girl Kaneki was with. He had to do something, though.

His tires releasing a high-pitched squeal as they ground against asphalt, Hide's bike skidded to a stop at the corner he'd been eavesdropping by. Hide hopped off of it, adrenaline flooding his system. What was he thinking?

"I'm going to gently scramble up your intestines for you now, okay?"

Hide stilled at the sound of Rize's voice. Cautiously, he stepped forward, his eyes following the sound of it. Blood red kagune filled Hide's field of vision, writhing and flexing in ribbons around Rize, who stood above Kaneki's limp body. 

Hide's blood ran cold at the sight of Kaneki being sprawled out on the ground, cuts and bruises distributed along his skin, blood split over much of him. It was Hide's worst nightmare, laid out in a scene before him. 

"Oh, dead already? What a shame. I really did like you," Rize hummed threateningly, condescendingly almost. "You have just the right amount of fat on you. All nice and soft; a pleasure to eat!"

Hide, who had always been so insightful and analytical (despite what most people had come to think), didn't pause to consider his options. Fists clenched, he took a running start towards Rize, yelling obscenities as he rushed to protect Kaneki. 

Rize turned her head, glancing over her shoulder at him, unbothered by the intrusion. "It seems as though—"

She didn't finish her sentence. Just as Hide was a couple of feet away from Rize, a stack of steel beams down tumbled from above, crashing down on her seemingly frail body with a deafening boom. Blood splattered in a radius around where she had just been standing, painting the ground and Hide's shoes a startling shade of crimson. 

Hide was already sprinting past the steel beams to find Kaneki, not bothering to look towards where the beams had fallen, or to check if Rize was really dead. He didn't hesitate to pick up Kaneki's still body and pull out his phone, dialing 1-1-9 as quickly as his shaking hands could manage. Hide didn't know when he'd started crying, but as he tried to pull a reaction out of Kaneki, he noticed the dampness of tears staining his face. 

Everything past that moment was a blur. He was on autopilot, barely conscious of his actions as Kaneki was strapped to the ambulance cot and whisked away, never leaving Hide's sight as they rode to the hospital. 

A coppery scent mixed with the sterile smell of the hospital when they arrived, and Hide was sat in the room that would be designated for Kaneki. He did not leave the room throughout the entire surgery, nor did he leave when a drugged-up, unconscious Kaneki was laid in the stiff sheets of the hospital bed.

Over and over, Hide reviewed what could have happened if he'd made different decisions. If he had interrupted Rize as she lied about her feelings, would she had moved onto attack Kaneki? If Hide had directly advised Kaneki to call the date off, would he have? If Hide had confessed his feelings to Kaneki the moment he recognized them, would any of this have even happened in the first place?

It wasn't until a nurse had informed him that visiting hours were over and escorted him out herself that Hide went home. He had a lot to deliberate.


End file.
